Generation Rhys

by Autumnburn

“How long are we going to be here?” Owen asked. He was sitting at the conference table, absently bouncing an apple from hand to hand.

Ianto, walking back from the coffee maker, snatched the apple and placed it back in the bowl at the center of the table. “The hub locked down when the computer recognized an alien contagion in Cardiff’s air. We’ll be here until the contagion clears or until we get override codes from UNIT, whichever happens first.”

“I know that,” Owen snapped. “How long will that be? I have plans tonight.”

Gwen looked up from the file she was reading. “You’re dead,” she pointed out.

“Yeah? So is disco, but that doesn’t stop it from hitting the clubs on Back to the Seventies nights.”

Rhys, who had been sitting quietly next to Gwen, tried to smooth Owen’s ruffled feathers. “Even if you could go, I doubt you’d be having fun. Everyone out there is just… sitting there, like zombies.”

Putting her arm around Rhys, Gwen said, “I’m so glad you noticed the strange behavior and came here before you got infected.”

He shivered. “It was just so weird. My secretary was silent, and her eyes were glowing red. I knew something alien was going on right away – she’s never quiet that long.”

Everyone looked up as Jack stepped into the room, a troubled look on his face. “I just got off the phone with UNIT. They say tests show that the contagion will die off naturally in five or six hours, but we’re staying on lock-down to be safe.

Owen gave a heavy sigh, then reached forward to pick up the apple. Despite Ianto’s glare, he started tossing it up and down. “What if they’re wrong?”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Then we’re the last people alive in Cardiff, possibly even the world. It will be up to us to repopulate Earth again.”

“God forbid,” Tosh muttered.

“Don’t worry,” Rhys said, flashing his wife’s coworker a reassuring smile. “Gwen and I’ll take care of that.”

Gwen frowned. “Not so fast. Having children isn’t all fun and roses, you know. I’ll have two or three for the cause, but that’s all you’ll get from me. If you want to save the human race, Tosh will have to take a few for the team, too.”

Now everyone was looking at Tosh. Jack grinned. “So, Toshiko, who do you want to father your children?”

Tosh glanced at Owen, blushed, glanced at Jack, blushed further, and finally looked at Ianto. A thoughtful frown graced her face. Finally she looked back at Jack and shrugged. “I suppose I’d go with Rhys.”

Jack was surprised. “What? Why?”

“Well, you have to be more than a little crazy to work for Torchwood, right? I figure Rhys is the most sane male in this room. No offence, Ianto.”

“None taken,” Ianto replied smoothly.

“But he’s already got Gwen,” Jack protested.

Gwen scoffed at her boss. “We’re repopulating Earth, Jack. This is serious business. Rhys and I can open our relationship to make sure Toshiko gets the best genes. Right, honey?”

“Of course, seeing as it’s for humanity.”

“What’s wrong with my genes?” Jack pouted.

Ianto gave him a small smile. “The cost of living with an air of mystery, sir. No one knows what frightening conditions lurk in your DNA.”

“This is a hypothetical situation,” Jack reminded everyone.

“Alright,” Owen chimed in, “if you could get pregnant, hypothetically, who’d you choose to father your contribution to humanity’s survival?”

Jack gave Torchwood’s doctor a long and dark look. “Hypothetically,” he stressed, “I’d choose Ianto. At least we’d be contributing very pretty children.”

“Beg your pardon, Jack, but I’m not ready to be a father. As much as I hate to deny humanity the beauty of our offspring, I’m going to have to decline.”

For a hypothetical situation, Jack looked fairly crestfallen. He sighed. “Fine, Rhys.”

Gwen patted Rhys on the arm. “Looks like you’re going to be the father of a whole new generation.”

Beaming, Rhys nodded. “Not just any man is up to the challenge, but I feel I’m specially qualified for having watched Supernanny every week. This time around, humanity won’t be whiney and misbehaved.” He gave Gwen a peck on her cheek. “When can we get started?”